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Uncover Your True Identity

Vitanna Costantino is Bob Proctor’s Transition Coach & Mentor who has been helping young professionals and entrepreneurs finding direction, clarifying what they really want in either their professional and personal life, and reaching their potential by working on fears, mental blocks and limiting beliefs.

For more than ten years, Vitanna Costantino has been enthusiastically studying personal growth and development, focusing on the subconscious mind’s power.

Vitanna Costantino teaches Bob Proctor’s proven methodology to shift your mindset and perform to a higher level. These teachings are based on more than 59 years of real-world experience and tremendous success.

Guest Information

Website: https://vitannacostantino.com/

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/iamvitanna/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vitanna_costantino/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vitanna-costantino-53870667/

Episode Transcript

Chris Ippolito 2:11 

Hi, Vitanna. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 2:12 

Hi, Chris. How are you? 

 

Chris Ippolito 2:14 

I’m doing great. Welcome to the “Get Coached Podcast,” I am glad to have you on. You are, I think, my third Australian I’ve ended up having on the show, which is awesome. I’ve got Canada, U.S., and now Australia. And a little bit of the U.K., actually. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 2:32 

Awesome. Thank you for having me then, it’s a pleasure to be here with you. Thank you. 

 

Chris Ippolito 2:36 

Yes. Again, you’re in Sydney, right? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 2:40 

I am, correct. 

 

Chris Ippolito 2:42 

Okay. You’ve got a bit of an interesting story as far as how you ended up there, I believe it has a little bit to do with the journey that you’ve gone on to become a coach. I was wondering if you could maybe share that story of how you got to be where you’re at now. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 2:59 

Of course. Well, yeah, to start off, I really believe that everything happens for a reason, we just need to follow the flow and trust the timing of life. Never regret anything because everything ends up together, one day you’ll understand why life took you somewhere else. 

 

Yeah, I came to Australia eight years ago. I’m originally Italian, as probably some people can pick that up from my accent. Yeah, I used to study psychology when I was at high school. When I finished, I went to uni. Then after uni, of course, I wanted to just push myself more. I’m that kind of person that really wants to try new things, really experiment myself and see how I deal with it. Because it’s a huge part of the process of learning. Really you get to know yourself so much better and you learn so much faster. 

 

Then I decided to come to Australia and I could not speak any English back then, that’s why I decided to come all the way to the other side of the world. Because if something was happening, I couldn’t just call my mom or my dad because they were sleeping. We’re literally on the other side. I’m not sure if you have the same joke in Canada, here I heard they say, “Well, if you want to learn how to swim, you’ve got to jump in the ocean.” That’s what I literally did, I jumped in the ocean and I just experimented on myself. I realized, yeah, so many things, and we can get deeper later on, as well. Life took me to become a coach and really help other people to make the jump and not be afraid. 

 

Chris Ippolito 4:41 

What kind of work have you done prior to becoming a coach? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 4:45 

Well, when I came here I got a break. Psychology has always been my passion, I have thousands of books, I’ve always read that. However, I became an event coordinator manager in a restaurant here, which I loved because it was very managerial, I had to learn a lot of organization, speaking on the phone with all the different accents, as well. It really helped me to improve my English, as well. It was also for visa purposes, thanks to that I could get my permanent residency and I am now a citizen, as well, in Australia. I’m very glad for that. 

 

Chris Ippolito 5:21 

Nice. Congratulations on that. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 5:23 

Thank you. 

 

Chris Ippolito 5:25 

Do you remember some of the early lessons when you first moved to Australia? You’re now on your own, very far away from family. Do you remember what that felt like, some of those first few weeks, first couple months, just some of the mindset that you probably had and what you had to overcome in that big transition? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 5:50 

Absolutely, I remember very clearly. I made a decision to stop worrying about the future because I said, “There’s no point to worry about what I’m expected to, I have no idea.” I come from a really little city in Italy. I don’t come from Milan or Rome, big cities. Coming from where I’m from to Sydney, which is a huge city compared to where I’m from, I just said, “Stop just thinking about it, just don’t expect anything. Just be open-minded, just enjoy the process. Anything that you learn, anything that you think might seem bad to you and negative, it’s going to teach you a lesson.” Just be open-minded and accept whatever life is going to bring to you. 

 

Chris Ippolito 6:35 

Right. Did you take English courses or did you end up just learning through going through the motions? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 6:46 

Yeah, that’s what I did. It’s funny because in Italy I refused to learn English at school because I just kept telling myself that I wasn’t good enough, English was too complicated, I wasn’t smart enough to understand this language. When I came here, I said, “No, I’m not going to go to school.” Because I had this experience in my mind, I thought I would not learn English that way because I already told myself that in a dialog that wasn’t the right way for me. 

 

I just, yeah, learned it the street way. Just listening, picking that up, and kept asking questions. Every time I wanted to say something, I was pointing at it and saying, “How do you say this? How do you say this? How do you say this?” This is how I learned. 

 

Chris Ippolito 7:28 

Right. The first phrase you learned was, “How do you say this?” 

 

Vitanna Costantino 7:31 

Yeah. Because I went to look for it because I said, “If I want to learn how to say things, I need to learn how to ask for it.” 

 

Chris Ippolito 7:38 

“How to ask,” that’s so good. My mom, who’s French, from the French side of Canada in Quebec, when she moved over to more of the English-prominent side, she ended up watching old comedies and/or almost children’s movies, stuff like that. That was how she would try and keep her English skill set, develop, and of course asking people. I’m always curious how people end up learning a language. I had shared that I was learning Italian with Duolingo. Nowadays there’s apps. There’s Rosetta Stone, which is a pretty popular one, but very expensive. But yeah, learning a language is a very fun process. But you had to immerse yourself in it. I think there’s a lot of lessons in that in itself. 

 

The lessons you learned from learning English, how do they translate into when you’re trying to coach somebody, or even just other aspects of your life? What are some of those lessons you learned about immersion that you try and incorporate into your coaching practice? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 9:00 

Well, definitely making a decision that you really want to do something, because if you don’t have a strong why behind. My why, that’s why I put myself on the hook. Because coming to Australia, I must speak the language, I could not live without it. I had to get a job, I had to pay rent, I needed to. That’s why sometimes pushing yourself and putting yourself in the corner is a good thing to do if you’re not self-disciplined, which I wasn’t. I learned how to be, but I wasn’t back then. Definitely make a decision to have a strong why, always attach that, and repetition. 

 

You said a beautiful word and I’m attached to it, “immerse” yourself. That’s a big thing, it’s true. Because imagine an athlete. If you train yourself once a week or if you train yourself five times a week, you’re definitely going to get the results in different timing. 

 

Make sure that you really do the work, action is very important. After you’ve sorted out the why, the commitment, the decisions, and the discipline, then you’re going to start acting on it. 

 

Chris Ippolito 10:01 

Right. You had mentioned that back in Italy, back home, you were refusing to learn English because of the way you thought about it as the challenge, the difficulty. In a sense, a limiting belief. What are some of the other kinds of limiting beliefs that you’ve personally gone through as far as breaking down those barriers, and some other ones that you’ve helped people get through, some common ones that you’ve noticed? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 10:31 

With myself or with other people? Sorry. 

 

Chris Ippolito 10:34 

Both. Yourself, other people, just some examples of some common ones you’ve come across. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 10:41 

Well, another one with myself, just to share, was self-image. Because when I was little, I used to be a little bit chubby. Then I realized that this was how I thought I was, that was because I always saw myself that way, my relatives. As a joke, they weren’t doing it to hurt me. However, I was being that way. When I made a decision that this is not what I want to be, I had to change my self-image and start looking at myself differently. This is one thing. 

 

Other limiting beliefs that I’ve noticed in other people is definitely a cultural aspect, especially coming to Australia. I consider myself really open-minded. Coming here with so many cultures, it’s just so beautiful to see how different cultures, different people look at the same thing differently. I could notice that. It’s beautiful to see, it’s fantastic, because you see all different perspectives of the same thing. I could notice that in choosing a job or even choosing a location. In Italy, for example, you have to live closer to a job, to the workplace. Because it’s easier, it’s faster. When I came here, I was looking for a house close to where I was living and I wasn’t even liking it. Nobody else was doing it and they were questioning me and said, “Okay, why are you doing that?” I said, “Well, I don’t know.” I didn’t even think. 

 

That’s why when we have these cultural beliefs that we get from our past, we stop thinking about it, we stop thinking why we’re making these decisions. It’s quite funny to see, it’s lovely though. 

 

Chris Ippolito 12:20 

Yeah, it’s almost like a form of programming. We grow up, again, immersed in something and that just becomes second nature to us. The way I operate or think is going to be different from yourself in a few ways just from the facts that I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, you live in Sydney, Australia, and just the messaging that we hear around the same stories that are going on will be slightly different. Then if you’re around something long enough, it becomes a part of you, whether you like it or not. 

 

That was what I wanted to chat with you a little bit. You had shared a story on our original call around an experience you went through that ended up preventing you from pursuing entrepreneurship. Do you mind sharing that story again with us? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 13:19 

Yeah, of course, please, I would love that. Yeah, when I finished high school, I was studying psychology, as I just said earlier on. Then moving to university, I wanted to study psychology at university, as well. Because I just was so fascinated by the mind, understanding how the mind works, and why we take certain actions. I really wanted to do that, I understood that was my passion. I was quite young, I think 17 years old. To discover that, I consider myself quite lucky back then. 

 

However, when it was the time to choose the university, my parents said, “Well, careful, because there’s not much jobs in the psychology industry. You’re going to end up being a teacher at university.” Then I thought, “What’s the problem?” I said, “So what? If that’s what serves me, if that’s what really resonates with my being, what is the problem?” However, back then my paradigm, it’s not about being strong, but I wasn’t that structured yet to understand all the information that I am fortunate to know now. Back then I just listened to my parents because, of course, my parents, they come from a different era, they come from a different culture. What they tell you, of course it’s for your best interest, that’s why you trust what your parents tell you. Because if they are suggesting you do certain things, it must be good, right? 

 

That’s why they said, “Well, just go and do economy so you can then work in a bank.” Of course that’s what I did, I studied economy, international business and law. Actually, I always wanted to understand how the different cultures and international trade worked. However, after finishing uni, I came to Australia and this thing just kept staying with me. I started another business and it was about helping Italian companies coming to Australia, helping all the strategies part. However, I was facing that lots of entrepreneurs back in Italy could not see what I was seeing. That made me realize how passionate I was about the perception and mindset side. I said, “This is not what I’m supposed to be doing.” 

 

I went to a course of Bob Proctor’s called Paradigm Shift that was really a game changer for me. Because he keeps repeating to you, “Who are you?” This is not Vitanna, this is the body I’m living in. We are first spiritual before we become physical, we’re a spirit living in a body. Anything that you see outside of me is just an expression of what’s going on inside my mind. When I started realizing this, I said, “Hold on a second. This is who I am, I always wanted to do this, this is who I really am.” That made me shift. 

 

When you open that passage, when you understand your spirit, your mission in this world, there’s no turning back. It was way too hard for me to just close the door and ignore it. I could not ignore it anymore. That’s when I made the jump and I went through the terror barrier. That’s how Bob Proctor calls it, probably some people are familiar with it. The terror barrier is when you literally have to make a decision and you go through all these fears, all these scares. Because of course the first thing I thought was, “What are my parents going to think of me? What are my friends going to think of me?” I had been doing that, and now boom, in a second you just change. 

 

People don’t know what I went through, they don’t know who I was because I always kept to myself, with my studies, with my books. It wasn’t very evident to them, but it was so evident to me. If you really want to be free in your life, you have to understand who you are. That’s what I am, that’s how I reached freedom. Yeah, freedom to express myself and to really do what I’m passionate about. 

 

Chris Ippolito 17:24 

Yeah, I think that is a pursuit that everyone really should go try and uncover, what is your true identity. The unique thing about it is, and I’ve had a couple of guests where we’ve talked on this subject, but you can make the decision to shift your identity many times if you want throughout your life. But as long as it’s what feels true to you, then you’re going in the right direction, you’re on the right path. I think a lot of people tend to, like you said, they listen to their parents or other influences, then they end up going down this path that’s almost carved for them but it’s not their true path. I feel like that’s where a lot of people’s mental, I don’t want to say “illnesses,” but issues come from, whether it’s depression or anxiety, is that their conscious and their subconscious, there’s this misalignment and there’s this conflict of it. But I don’t know, that’s, I suppose, my opinion. 

 

Coming from the world of coaching of Bob Proctor, I suppose that would resonate with you because that is very much his lessons, isn’t it? It’s all very much in here and in your core, whether you want to call it your soul, your spirit. What’s an exercise that somebody can do that can help them realize perhaps what is their true identity or their true self? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 19:07 

What I suggest sometimes if someone is struggling with their purpose, because some people, maybe they never asked themselves, “What is my purpose?,” I suggest to grab a little notebook, a pen, and every day sit in the same spot. Your comfortable chair, your beautiful spot of the couch, anywhere that you feel comfortable. Put some music on, some of your favorite music, and keep asking yourself, “What do I really love doing? Who am I? What do I really love doing?” If you’ve never done this exercise before, if you’re starting today for the first time, it might take you a little bit longer. Just keep asking yourself until you get the answers. 

 

Because that’s the thing, sometimes we never stop and think, we really don’t. We’re just stuck in this autopilot mode. However, when you have these ideas, like it was mine to become a coach and express myself. Like the spirit or soul, as you said, it’s always seeking for expression. When you understand who you really are, this idea is not going to leave you. That’s why, as you said, the conscious and subconscious, there’s a huge contrast. You can’t really live in harmony with yourself because you are doing something that is against the real you. I hope that makes sense. 

 

Chris Ippolito 20:28 

Yeah, it does. Actually, I want to chat a little bit about that exercise because I know what a lot of people would struggle with because I went through it myself. That very first time where they sit down and they start asking themselves that question, what would be your advice to them that first couple days they sit down and they go, “I don’t know”? For some reason they’re drawing a blank. Is there almost another little exercise that they can do to help get the thoughts flowing a little bit to guide them maybe in the direction that they should go? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 21:15 

No, just be patient, really, because the mind is like a GPS. By keeping to ask the same questions, you are going to get the answer. However, what the people are doing, because I’ve seen that, we don’t allow ourself to fantasize. This is about really allowing ourself to be honest with ourself. We’re going to start having all these limiting beliefs that are not even allowing us to draw down what we really would love to do. Because you might want to do something, but you’re too scared to say it, you’re too scared to write it down because you start thinking, “Well, I’ve got a family, I can’t do that.” It doesn’t matter. This is not even the step yet, the first step is understand what do you really want. Some people are already thinking of the how, “Well, I want that, but how can I achieve that?” 

 

Don’t stop yourself, allow yourself to really fantasize. You’re just writing a shopping list. When we’re kids, we are allowed to fantasize. When we become adults, we can’t do that anymore. Because fantasy is just for little kids. Being adults, you’ve got to be logical, you’ve got to be rational. 

 

Chris Ippolito 22:21 

Yeah, be realistic. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 22:23 

Correct. That’s one of my favorites. Yeah, really allow yourself and have fun with it. Imagine you’re a kid and you’re writing a shopping list to Santa Claus. Just get back into your little child inside you. 

 

Chris Ippolito 22:38 

Right. The advice being just let your guard down and allow yourself the freedom do just pretend like you could have absolutely everything and anything. “What does that lifestyle look like?” 

 

Vitanna Costantino 22:57 

Correct. 

 

Chris Ippolito 22:58 

Awesome. Okay, they start doing that, now maybe it’s a dream board or they’ve got a journal where they’re tracking all of this. From that step, what would be the next step in that journey of really pursuing that identity that they’re starting to uncover and develop? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 23:28 

Great. That’s a beautiful question, thank you for asking me. After that, as human beings, we only tend to do things that we understand. If we don’t understand, we are tempted to just close the door and say, “No, no, no. Sorry, I’ve never heard that before, I don’t trust it.” 

 

One thing is never reject anything, never even accept anything straight away, but have an open mind, think, consider it. Definitely it’s about level up your awareness. The first thing that I would suggest to anybody, start doing some reading and some studying. Open your mind and let more information come in. Because if you’re not aware how to change your situation, you’re not even aware of the solution. By understanding, then you start applying. 

 

Why we need to understand. Because, for example, we are scared. We have these fears that are really controlling us. Because every time we want to make a decision, fears are stopping us because of the future. The question is, “Does anybody know what fear is?” Because we are dealing with something that we don’t know. If you don’t understand what fear is, of course you can’t even face it, right? Let’s understand what is actually going on. Because when we understand how we work, how the mind works, we understand not just ourself, but anybody else. You are even more relaxed because by the fact that when you understand how everybody operates, you don’t even get upset with certain things. First example, if you make certain decisions, you know that everybody has paradigms. 

 

Just start living in a beautiful, balanced life, and that’s where you have to aim for. You really attract things to your life that you are in harmony with. If you have negative beliefs, if you’re stressed, if you’re focusing on fear, that’s something that’s going to impact your vibration. We think on frequency, we think on vibration levels. Be careful. Sorry if I just say many things together. However, it’s about understanding. 

 

Okay, I’ll give you this example. It’s like making a cake just with eggs. It’s not going to come up as a cake. You need lots of ingredients. Definitely start to get a book and read the recipe. Read what ingredients you need in order to make that particular cake that you want to. Same thing with your life. 

 

Chris Ippolito 25:56 

Yeah. The lifestyle that you’re envisioning for yourself, now that you have an idea of what that looks like, go find books or, I like to use the term, inputs. Because books, podcasts, videos, educational videos, seminars, all those types of things, they’re all good to get inside of you. Then go find the inputs that are going to help you gain more of an understanding of whatever it is that you’re envisioning. 

 

Do you have a certain book that you would recommend that everybody reads? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 26:41 

It’s a classic. 

 

Chris Ippolito 26:42 

Which one? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 26:44 

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. 

 

Chris Ippolito 26:46 

Yeah, I love that book. I read that book, then I read, let me see if I can spot it on my shelf here real quick, oh, Thinking for a Change. Yeah, Thinking for a Change by John Maxwell, that one was really good. I read those two back to back, then I ended up coming across another one. Charles HaanelThe Master Key System. Have you ever heard of that one? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 27:18 

No, actually. 

 

Chris Ippolito 27:19 

Very similar concept in just what you were talking about, about the power of thinking, vibration, being in harmony, having your inner world and your outer world being in harmony. It was really interesting because these are three very different authors from three different walks of life and they’re all talking about the exact same thing in just slightly different wording. I know Bob Proctor teaches fairly similar. It really shifted my mindset that there’s a lot of power in thinking and making things come to fruition. 

 

I know there are some people that they think of that as far as, what’s the word? The book was The Secret, the move “The Secret.” The law of attraction, there it is. A lot of people, when they hear “the law of attraction,” they scoff at it because they go, “Oh, well, if I think I’m going to get a Lamborghini, I’m going to get a Lamborghini.” 

 

Vitanna Costantino 28:28 

A big misunderstanding. 

 

Chris Ippolito 28:30 

Yeah, that’s not the concept. The concept, really it’s about focus. The law of attraction is that you’re thinking and focusing on something, an outcome, a desired lifestyle, so much, but then you start taking actions that just ultimately get you to that goal in time. 

 

I don’t even remember where I was going with this, I apologize. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 28:56 

Oh, that’s all right. No, no. Another great book is Psycho-Cybernetics. It’s quite famous, as well. It talks about the self-image. Oh, that’s beautiful. 

 

Chris Ippolito 29:07 

What’s that one called? “Psycho”? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 29:08 

Psycho-Cybernetics. 

 

Chris Ippolito 29:10 

“Cybernetics.” 

 

Vitanna Costantino 29:11 

Yeah. Bob Proctor refers to that book, as well, a lot. It’s amazing. There’s lots of exercises in it if some people want to start, as I said, awareness, or studying and applying. There are some beautiful practical techniques in that book already to start rocking and rolling. 

 

Chris Ippolito 29:28 

I like that, I like that. The Master Key System was very similar in that he didn’t call them chapters, he called them lessons. He actually says at the end of each lesson, “Here’s your exercise for the week.” He even says, “You’ve got to do this for a week until you’ve mastered it, don’t even move on to the second one.” Yeah, it was very interesting. One of the practices really his practice ended up being thinking, focused thinking, meditation, a lot of people call it different. But yeah, that was one of them that I thought was pretty interesting. 

 

That’s a common book, now I remember how we ended up here. What about meditation, is that something that you typically recommend for people to be doing? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 30:23 

Yeah, absolutely. I do that in the morning, this is a little morning routine that I suggest to everybody. Even if you’re not great with meditation, because some people say, “Well, I haven’t done it yet, I can’t focus.” It doesn’t matter, don’t worry, there’s no right or wrong. It’s all about starting an exercise, because the mind is like a muscle. The first day you go to the gym you’re not going to be able to do all the exercises that you’re going to be able to do in three months. Don’t stress about that, think about the best you can do today. Just start. 

 

If you’re not able to focus completely silent, there’s lots of tracks on YouTube that you can use that are beautiful, you can choose your style. Just learn to empty your mind. Just follow the music so you have guidance to follow through. Because if it’s completely silent, that’s when people have, let’s say, a little bit of issues at the beginning because, of course, we have thoughts come into our mind all the time, especially if you’re busy, “Oh my god, I have to do this.” You start thinking of planning your day. That’s not what we want, we just want to relax. 

 

I suggest a guided meditation. If someone talks in it or even some music, it’s going to be easier, definitely. Do that in the morning because it’s going to change your mood drastically. In the morning I never watch my phone until after I finish breakfast. I write my goal, not for the day, my life goal, with my left hand. I’m right-handed, but I write it with the opposite hand. I’ll explain it to you. 

 

Chris Ippolito 31:50 

Okay, wait. Yes, please do. I was like, “I’ve never heard that before.” 

 

Vitanna Costantino 31:57 

Okay, this is another way of reprogramming your mind since we are only doing things that we are comfortable with. If you really pay attention, this is what I love about this material, it’s really becoming aware of ourselves. If you watch yourself, I’m sure that you wake up in the same manner, you do the same things when you wake up. Because we are habitual, human beings, it’s normal. We look for routines. The fact is when we want to start behaving and start acting a different way, we’ve got to make an input in ourself. 

 

That’s why I write my goal with the left hand. The first time I did, believe me, there was lots of resistance. You’ve really got to pay attention. This is to remind yourself how hard it is to start doing things that you normally wouldn’t do. This is one of the techniques that I use. Then I write 10 things I’m grateful for, then I do meditation. These are the three steps that I do. 

 

Thinking about that, I just would like to spend a few minutes on gratitude because it connects with the law of attraction that you were talking about before. The law of attraction is very misunderstood. The law of attraction is not the primary law, it’s a secondary law. The primary law is the law of vibration. 

 

This is a perfect example with gratitude. Some people write their gratitude in the morning and they say, “Okay, it’s done.” However, if you have been grateful in the morning, then during the day maybe you watch something on TV. I don’t know what political people are on because I don’t watch TV. But anyway, you’ll see a political person that you don’t like and you start being angry, you start texting your friends and say, “Have you heard what he said?” Well, this is not feeling in harmony. Because you are negative, you’re experiencing stress, and you’re not happy with it. 

 

Careful, this is what I’m saying when you’re worried about yourself. Really watch yourself, how you behave during the day. Because the law of vibration states that you are going to attract whatever you are in harmony with. If you have been grateful in the morning, then during the day you get upset with your partner, you get angry straight away, you are impulsive, it’s going to be a contrast. That’s very important to really find the balance. Everybody can do that, everybody. 

 

Chris Ippolito 34:34 

Yeah. I’ve gone through a lot of conversations doing this podcast. I’ve read a lot of books, I’ve listened to a lot of podcasts. The practice of gratitude comes up so frequently with high-performing, high-success people. It’s crazy. I mean there’s a lot of other ones that do, but practicing gratitude, I feel like it’s becoming more popular in the Western world. Whereas in Eastern philosophy, it came up a lot in Eastern philosophy. I ended up reading a few books in that world, they’re very ancient books, and they talk about it all the time. Whereas in Western philosophy they do talk a little bit, especially in stoic philosophy, they do touch on it a little bit, but it felt like even stoicism got popular more recently. This whole idea of practicing gratitude, I find it fascinating. 

 

There’s one side of me that believes in this stuff because I’ve seen the results. When you hear enough successful people talk about it, I go, “Well, I like that lifestyle that person has, I’m going to listen to their advice.” But then there’s this other part of me that tries to understand what are the scientific reasons behind it. Are you familiar, have you looked into that, do you know? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 36:09 

Yeah. 

 

Chris Ippolito 36:10 

What is it? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 36:11 

Well, until you’re grateful for what you have, you can’t have more. 

 

Another thing, for example. A second practical example so people can understand better. For example, you are in real estate and you’re trying to sell a house. You were so close, the person was pretty much about to close the deal, for some reason they aren’t doing it anymore. You get upset and you say, “What? I was so close to it, I don’t understand.” Shift that straight away because being grateful, that’s what is going to help you to move on and relax. Because the fact is that when you’re grateful, you feel good. This is an exercise to really shift and say, “Okay, it happened for a reason, I’m grateful that happened because there’s something else waiting for me, maybe it’s a lesson that I’m learning.” The fact is when you don’t practice gratitude and you instead are angry, it definitely makes you feel bad. It’s coming back to you. 

 

When you are angry with, for example, your neighbor who’s playing loud music, let’s do another very simple example. Well, a common one. Just relax. Because the fact that you get angry is bothering you, not him. It’s really to get the inner peace, the inner balance. 

 

Chris Ippolito 37:41 

Gratitude, it’s more about taking care of yourself than anything else. Actually, it’s another thing that’s come up a few times, is the act of being selfish so that you can become more selfless, taking care of yourself health-wise, financially, through the practice of gratitude, meditation, all these things. You do it really for your own benefit. But once you’ve taken care of yourself, you’re then in a better place to be able to start taking care of other people. 

 

Go ahead. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 38:19 

I’ll tell you this example. If you want to give food to some people that don’t have food but your plate is empty, how can you help them? 

 

Chris Ippolito 38:29 

Yeah, exactly. You can’t. Same with I want to donate, but if I’m financially not sound, I mean you can, but you’re just putting yourself into a position where you don’t have anything. Yeah, it’s such an interesting concept because it’s almost counterintuitive to the people that there’s a lot of virtue signaling as far as, “Oh, I do this because I’m so great,” and blah, blah, blah. Whereas the people that are doing things that are perceived as selfish are frowned upon. I’m sure you can hear my son in the background right now. But yeah, it’s very counterintuitive to what I think a lot of people would assume is to live a good life, is to be selfless all the time. But sometimes you have to take care of yourself first to even be able to get to that point. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 39:29 

The other thing is that, yeah, of course there’s a lot of people that say, “Well, it’s about you shouldn’t be selfish,” or, “Why do you want to be greedy to earn so much money?” Every time a client tells me, “I want to earn X amount of money within X amount of months,” my question is, “Why?” Because money is energy, people don’t want money. I never met any person that just wanted lots of money next to them. People want experiences that money brings. Maybe you want the money because then you can take your family any time you want to go have a beautiful holiday. It’s the experience. Because money is just an instrument to exchange goods and services. It’s an instrument to increase your value that you put out there. 

 

For example, now we’re doing a podcast. For you to create many podcasts, if you would like to increase this business, you need more instruments. You need a system, you need an organization, you need other tools. That costs money simply because you are expanding your service, your value to the people that you want to impact. 

 

Chris Ippolito 40:41 

Yeah, it’s very true. It definitely is a tool. The saying actually that I don’t like, I used to say it even myself, “Money is the root of all evil.” I think that is such a silly saying. Because when you really think about it, how is that even possible? It just doesn’t make any sense. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 41:06 

Well, that’s another huge belief. Everybody in the world thinks that rich people are nasty. It’s a huge paradigm about money, definitely. Money is the easiest thing to earn, easy. 

 

Chris Ippolito 41:19 

Yes. Once you know how, that’s the thing. Like a lot of other things. This is especially more so true for adults. The older we get, if we don’t know how to do something, you tend to dislike it or it becomes a negative. Whereas when you’re younger, you’re frustrated. But there’s this expectation that adults have put onto children, “Well, of course you’re getting frustrated, you don’t know how to do it. But don’t be silly, you’ll learn how to do it eventually.” But then once we get to a certain age, that mindset stops for some reason for a lot of people and they just go, “I can’t.” “What do you mean you can’t?” “Well, I’m,” whatever age, for me, “I’m 38 years old, I could never learn how to draw.” I’m not much of a drawer. But we know that’s a false statement, I just have to go learn. 

 

With your coaching clients, what would be some of those other areas, like with developing the right mindset? When they say, “I can’t,” what do you say to break that down for them? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 42:36 

I make them be aware why they’re saying they can’t, why they have certain beliefs, where are they coming from. There are a lot of techniques that we use during a six-month program, it’s all working to really understand. 

 

I’ll give you an example. When people don’t know, that’s why awareness is important. When people don’t know, they’d rather not hear about it, be skeptical, and say, “No, no, no. Thank you very much.” 

 

I’ll give you an example. Paying online payments with a credit card. I’m not at all. However, I still remember the first time I had to start using credit cards online. I didn’t trust the system. I said, “What? I can’t see where is this money going. What if I get my card hacked?” Which it happened, but it wasn’t a problem because the bank notified me straight away. Now we don’t even think about it. Now you pay everything online. Holidays, flights, shopping, clothing, anything. It’s not a problem anymore because it’s common because everybody is doing it, then you know everything about it. 

 

Really think why are you stopping yourself. What is behind that? 

 

Chris Ippolito 43:53 

Yeah. It’s funny because, as you were sharing that story, I personally know some people that still will not do online transactions because they’re worried, “Well, what if this happens?” I’m like, “That’s not really an issue anymore, there’s high security. It’s probably the number one method for paying for anything, is online.” But yeah, it’s very interesting. 

 

We’ve covered a lot. I’d love to find out from you, with everything that we’ve talked about, what is that one piece of advice that you would want to share with the audience to help them level up wherever they need it most? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 44:37 

Definitely start expanding your awareness, really look at your current results, and be honest with yourself. If you’re not happy with your current results, just don’t hide it because probably there’s something there. Results always tell the truth. Really be honest with yourself, just humble, really look at the results and say, “Okay, you know what? I really want to be in control of my life. I’ve had enough of fears and external circumstances controlling me.” You can do that, everybody. Expand your awareness, definitely. Go start having a little look into these materials. 

 

Chris Ippolito 45:21 

I like that a lot because that would really open up a lot of different paths that somebody could take as far as their personal journey. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 45:33 

One thing that I would love to share, as well, is to make you realize, everybody, that fear and faith both require that you believe in something you can’t see. It’s your choice. 

 

Chris Ippolito 45:47 

I like that a lot. Have you ever heard the acronym for fear, “false evidence appearing real”? I like that one a lot. Whenever I catch myself being afraid of something, having fear, I repeat that in my head and I try and push through. I’m still working on it. 

 

If people wanted to reach out and connect with you, Vitanna, where can they find you? 

 

Vitanna Costantino 46:15 

My website is vitannacostantino.com. First name, surname, .com. 

 

Chris Ippolito 46:21 

Perfect. I’ll make sure that’s in the show notes, as well as all the other places that they can find you. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 46:27 

Yeah, I’m on Instagram, I’m on Facebook, I’m quite social. 

 

Chris Ippolito 46:30 

Perfect. Well, it was an absolute pleasure, thank you very much. For you it would be enjoy the rest of your day. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 46:39 

Yeah. 

 

Chris Ippolito 46:39 

Yeah. I’m going to be getting ready to go to bed fairly soon. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 46:44 

The beauty of online. 

 

Chris Ippolito 46:46 

Yes, I know, I love it, I love it so much. Take care. 

 

Vitanna Costantino 46:50 

Thank you so much, Chris. Bye. 

 

Chris Ippolito 46:52 

You’re welcome. Bye.