Chris Ippolito 00:31
Hi, Mary Lynn.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 00:32
Hey, Chris. How are you today?
Chris Ippolito 00:34
I’m doing great. How are you?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 00:35
Good. I’m doing magical.
Chris Ippolito 00:37
Awesome. Welcome to the “Get Coached Podcast.” What I was hoping to talk to you about, because we touched on this briefly in our intro call, is the importance of finding a person’s inner happiness and joy, and using that as the foundation to really build upon and get success elsewhere. The first question I would want to ask, because a lot of people may be curious as far as because it is, I would say, subjective or objective, is what’s your definition of what inner happiness and joy looks like? Not that that would be for everybody, but how do you define it?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 01:25
Sure. When I think of inner joy and happiness, I think of it as being our most authentic self. It’s the path that we’re on, striving towards our full potential, whatever that looks like. And we’re all different. The path may be different for everyone, the things that we choose may be different. And that’s what, in my mind, makes the world a wonderful place, is that diversity, that we’re all different. There are no two people perhaps that joy and happiness actually look the same for, it’s a really unique experience. But there are many things in common, of course, as to how you get there, if that makes sense.
Chris Ippolito 02:10
Yeah, for sure. Why don’t we explore that a little bit? What are some of the common steps or commonalities in that journey for somebody to find that inner happiness and joy?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 02:23
Well, personally, I think the very first thing that we can all do to find our own way toward inner joy and happiness is to get ourselves connected with that part of us that is intangible. And there are many different names for it, and the name to me, honestly, personally, isn’t as important as understanding that we are a mind, body, spirit being, or a mind, body, intuitive being, or some people would say mind, body, energetic being.
Chris Ippolito 03:04
Right. You’re talking more the esoteric side of it, yeah.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 03:06
Yeah. And it’s the essence of who we really are. It’s where all, I believe, our actual power base comes from. And that part of us only wants us to live in bliss and joy. I am absolutely convinced after my own personal journey, especially over the past, I’d say, 11 or 12 years, that that part of us is the only other part of us besides our conscious mind and how we think about things that really can help us with that path. And that requires a calm mindset. Because it’s like if I were to do a triangle thing, I say our mind is where our body and that other part of us, our spiritual part, intuitive part, come together. And when our mind is calm, we can find our way so much more easily. In the calmness we have clarity, in the calmness we are incredibly creative beings. And it really is this path toward happiness is about the authentic part of us, is being the most creative person that we can be.
And again, that’s different for each and every one of us. We are all creative. Sometimes we get hung up on that word “creative” as meaning, “Oh, artsy.” I either have to be musical or I have to be a writer. No, no, no. “Creative” is simply about creating every day that fills you up with joy, that really allows you to live what I call a magical life, and it’s so absolutely possible for everybody. The journey is different, but it’s absolutely possible.
Chris Ippolito 04:50
Yeah. And when we spoke about this last time, we went both sides of it. You’ve touched a little bit more on the esoteric, the intangible side. And we both connected very well on this, but you also mentioned there’s concrete, pretty scientific evidence that happiness leads to better results in life. Do you mind sharing a little bit more about that?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 05:20
To me it’s so awesome, in the past 10 years, again, since I’ve been doing this work. And after a couple of years of really getting certified and all those kinds of things, I started reading even more and more and more. And there is so much scientific evidence out there that when our brain is in a state of happiness, we actually have access to creating success in every area of our life. Again, whatever area of life it is that you want more happiness in, you can have it. And the pathway there is through the brain, it’s by having a happier brain. Having your neural pathways changed, if I can say it that way. Because, again, science would say we have a lot of limiting beliefs that get in the way of us being happy.
And it is about the power of the brain being in a state of happiness that leads us then to success, it’s not the other way around. I think you and I talked a little bit about this before, about how people commonly think about success. They think about accomplishments and everything I have to have in my life that will make me happy, the stuff outside of me. And what science really proves is it works exactly the opposite. That when I’m happy from the inside out, I can have all those things so much more easily. Everything tends to fall into place, you live much more in the flow. And it always comes back to the brain and ultimately the brain being calmer.
Again, you’re right, you can say it from either aspect. You can go to the science, you can go to the psychology, you can go to the spiritual aspects of things, but the truth is we’re all saying the same thing.
Chris Ippolito 07:17
Yeah. I think to me that was one of the biggest lessons I learned as I started expanding my reading and just conversations and really opening up my mind, was that you started hearing the same thing from very different sources. And a lot of it just had to do with, like you said, calming the mind, finding, for lack of better terms, almost inner peace, inner tranquility, and then all of a sudden things just open up. And it was like, “Okay, well, there’s got to be something to this if Eastern philosophy and Western philosophy are saying it, and various religions are saying it, and then science is now starting support it. There’s got to be something to it.”
Mary Lynn Ziemer 08:00
Chris Ippolito 08:01
What would be some of the big hang-ups that people have when you start sharing this with them, this principle, this foundation? What are some of the more common hang-ups that they have on that?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 08:16
When I think of a hang-up, I’d say they’re, of course, very individual. And another way to term those are limiting beliefs that come, of course, from all of our experiences. And probably the biggest one I believe that gets in this way is the view that I have to take care of everybody else’s needs. And I’m saying it really specifically because ultimately that is what it comes down to, that I have to take care of other people, that their needs are important. And we say it in a lot of ways, but one of the ways we say it is we have to “give of ourselves.”
And I think that term “give of ourselves” can really get misconstrued. Meaning that I always have to do for others what they want, and what we end up doing is sacrificing ourselves. And the truth is if I sacrifice myself, I’m never really taking care of myself. And if I don’t take care of myself, that’s an aspect of authentic happiness and self-love. I have to take care of me before I can really truly, in the greatest sense possible, take care of somebody else. And I think many of us have been taught that as a child, to give to others, but we aren’t told what’s a healthy way of viewing that and a healthy boundary, perhaps you might say.
Really loving yourself is what makes other people happy because then I show up as the greatest version of who I am when I’m truly happy. And it has nothing to do with being selfish or arrogant or conceited or any of those kinds of words, love has nothing to do with that. You can’t really be happy if you’re doing that either. You want to give to others, but the rule of thumb is I have to give to me first, take care of me, and then I can take care of others in a way that we never understood as possible.
Chris Ippolito 10:33
Yeah, it’s so true. And something I always add to that, because we hear that quite regularly, and a lesson I learned from one of the books I’ve read, is that you can’t give what you don’t have. You have to build it and almost build up an abundance of it so that you can start giving. And that will lead to very positive results because you’re helping others and giving to others, but then just that giving nature tends to reciprocate and come back to you almost tenfold. But you’ve got to start with here first, you’ve got to start with yourself.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 11:09
Yeah, it’s so true. I have a term for that, I call that filling your love tank, it’s the basis. We’ve heard that term before, but really it is true. It is about you’re always filling it, it’s about accumulating, you keep taking care of yourself. And you only have three real tools to do that, those are your thoughts, words, and actions. And every moment of our day we’re using those tools, we’re making those decisions. Either I’m filling my love tank and I’m moving down a path that’s making me happier with more joy or I’m going the other way. And it’s filling it up and, yes, we may deplete it sometimes, but it is this accumulative effect. As we know, again, we talk about that in business also, and actions that we take. The little things, one after the other, have a very large cumulative effect for ourselves.
Chris Ippolito 12:03
Yeah, it’s so true. What would be the advice you would give to somebody who is understanding this all in concept, but, maybe just because of some negative experiences they’ve had in life, their tank has a pretty small capacity, they’re finding it difficult to be able to love themselves enough such that they can then give love to others? How would somebody go about trying to increase the capacity? Because that could be a bit of a challenge. If you are inexperienced in it or, like I said, you’ve just had negative experiences in life, your journey has just been really tough, what would be some advice that you would share with them as far as how to grow that capacity?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 12:55
Sure, I think that’s a really great question, Chris. Because if you’re not feeling it now, there’s a reason why, you may have been taught that it’s bad to love yourself. That’s not uncommon. Sometimes we hear that term, “Don’t love yourself, that’s terrible, your job is to go love everybody else.” And you have an aversion almost to hearing it, right?
There are some really good things you can do. And I have this book that I tell every one of my clients to read it early on when I’m working with them. And I’m happy to share it, you may have heard of it. But if not, it’s fabulous. It’s called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It. Have you ever heard of this?
Chris Ippolito 13:39
I think so. The author, is that not the brother of Naval Ravikant?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 13:44
I don’t know that.
Chris Ippolito 13:45
I think so. And Naval, he’s a big name as far as modern-day philosophers and I think I’ve heard of that.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 13:53
I really don’t know this, but I have to tell you. This book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It, Kamal Ravikant is his name, is one of the most simple and profound books you can read. Literally it will take you no more than 30 minutes to read the book, there’s a lot of space in between. You can download it on Amazon, you can get it on Apple, audio, I think. And again, it’s 30 minutes of listening, maybe. And it’s profound. It talks about, I think to go back to your question, people who don’t love themselves sometimes don’t understand why it’s so critical. And this book does an excellent job of explaining why it’s so critical, the basic things on how you have success in relationships and how you find success in your business life. And it makes it a little bit more practical for them to read, yet it’s very inspiring and it also gives a lot of great techniques in there.
One of my favorites that I give my clients, which is really not in here, it’s just something that I have learned over the years, is the easiest way to start is by putting your hand on your heart and saying, “I love myself.” And looking at the mirror and looking in your own eyes. Or saying, “I love you, Chris,” “I love you, Mary Lynn,” whatever it is, and doing it over and over and over and over. You know how they say our eyes are the pathway to our soul, right? That’s where it all begins.
I mean words are really, really powerful. And the more of this you do, again, you’re telling your brain something new, “Oh,” and this is what happens with the brain. The brain has this part of it that filters information and whatever it hears repetitively it takes as a request basically to go out and present opportunities, I’ll say that, to you very quite in front of your eyes so that you can begin to see, “Oh, wow, something is changing in my life, here’s something that is happening differently.” And you’re able to grab onto the opportunity and actually take what I would call an inspired action to make it happen.
He does an excellent job with explaining his very own story, which was very poignant, and shows how he got out of a terrible depression in his life. Somebody who was actually very successful and who did a pretty big plummeting within his life, we all have those moments that are not so easy.
That’s the first thing, the other thing is put your hand on your heart and just start talking to yourself and telling yourself, and amazingly you begin to feel better. Why is that? Because science proves that around my heart are the 40,000 most powerful cells in my body. Most people think our most powerful cells are in our brain, they aren’t. And my heart is connected to the brain. Every time I put my hand on my heart, I activate those 40,000 most powerful cells. And what I’m doing by activating them is I am sending oxytocin to my brain. And oxytocin is a love hormone. And guess what it does, it’s a happy hormone. And it makes you feel better, literally. And that one act is called loving yourself. Because if what I’m saying to you is accurate, and I believe it is, that our path toward whatever it is we truly want in our heart is happiness and joy, this is the first step.
Chris Ippolito 17:46
I like that, I like that a lot. And I think I had mentioned that at the end of every episode I want an actionable piece of advice that the audience can take, and I think we came across it naturally, that was great.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 17:58
I think it naturally happened, there you go.
Chris Ippolito 18:02
Just to recap, the book, what was the title of the book, again?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 18:06
It’s called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It, by Kamal, K-A-M-A-L, Ravikant, R-A-V-I-K-A-N-T. And something that I just found out from a client that I talked to this past week that I asked to go and get it, he came back and said, “Oh my gosh, the book is different.” And I said, “What do you mean?” And he held it up. Just like we’re talking, we were talking virtually. And he said, “It’s a brand-new book that came out, he expanded on it.” You can get the small version or you can get one that is 250 pages where he literally goes through and tells you more specifically so I understand his tools and whatnot. I haven’t even had the chance to read that yet.
Chris Ippolito 18:55
That’s awesome. And I’ll make sure to include that in the show notes and the description of the video. Get the book, read the book. And as a daily practice, maybe even just once, stand in front of the mirror, put your hand over your heart, and say, well, in this case it would be, “I love, Chris. I love me.” And I like that, I think that’s a good habit for somebody to develop. And when they stick with it and expand upon it, I think it sounds like they’re going to start getting some positive results. That’s awesome.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 19:35
Yeah. It may even feel a little false in the beginning, think about it. If we’re in a really low place, there are lots of reasons why we think perhaps we shouldn’t love ourselves or can’t love ourselves. It is about the need to be persistent with it and not worry about, “Wow, I’m not really feeling anything yet.” It really is just keep doing it. And the more you do it, the better you will feel. Like anything, just a little practice. But you really are activating those cells, it will happen.
Chris Ippolito 20:11
Yeah. When you mentioned that, that made me think of a superhero thing where they put their hand on their chest and that like activates their superpower.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 20:23
Yeah, it’s great.
Chris Ippolito 20:24
In a sense that’s us individually activating our superpower of happiness, for all of the nerds out there.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 20:32
Yeah. Great analogy, love it.
Chris Ippolito 20:35
That’s the way I looked at it because I grew up with the superhero stuff.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 20:37
No, I’m all about the superpower, it’s true.
Chris Ippolito 20:42
That’s awesome. Mary Lynn, were there any questions or anything else that you wanted to discuss that I didn’t bring up?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 20:48
There is one thing that I think we alluded to it somewhere along the line. And I think it was this thing about if you wanted to tell people something that they actually might think is a little bit crazy. Do you remember that?
Chris Ippolito 21:06
Yes. The question being, “What’s something that you believe in that others would think is crazy?”
Mary Lynn Ziemer 21:14
Yes. There are two things. And one of them has come out in a scientific book, neuroscience proves. And I absolutely have always felt this and known this to be the truth, but, again, science is now proving it. It is this fact that we literally, and I can’t say enough this word, we literally create the reality that we live in. A lot of people hear that and they say, “Oh, yeah, I’m in charge. It’s my world.” But I want you to know we literally created the way the brain works, it’s all about our emotions.
There is another fabulous book out there around this topic. Because people often have a hard time understanding, “Wait, you’re telling me I construct my reality?” And I’m saying, yes, we all construct our individual realities. And there’s a fabulous book that was written just a couple of years ago, it’s new, by a neuroscientist named Lisa Feldman Barrett and it’s called How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. And essentially what she’s saying is that how you feel creates your world. Again, it brings you back to joy and happiness. The more joy and happiness I feel, the more I am going to create whatever it is that I’m focusing my mind on around me, it’s going to be created in my reality. I’m saying literally you can begin to create things.
There’s also another fun document. I say “fun” because somebody found it on the Internet. They say it’s a CIA classified document, and it sure looks like it. And it says that the CIA is confirming that our worlds are like virtual realities, that we have this amazing thing called our imagination, again, which is part of this intangible side of us and that we are literally projecting onto, what Einstein would call, the unified field of energy, that we are projecting our imagination onto it and creating our reality. And that sounds way out there, but you know, you as a superpower-interested guy.
And I get all of that, that there’s a lot more information out there than we understand that hasn’t hit mainstream yet, let me just put it that way, that says we’re really powerful. And if we just start with what we know for sure to be our inner truth of joy and happiness, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain in getting to that place where you can create even more magic and miracles in your life. Because that’s what I think we all strive for, ultimately.
Chris Ippolito 24:16
That’s very true. And it’s interesting because that theme as far as what you’re mentioning, as far as us creating our own world, it’s touched on in a very woo-woo type of sense in a lot of books from years and years ago. But it’s very interesting to see now the neuroscience behind it and them starting to break down that barrier of “there may be some truth to this,” and now they’re like, “There actually is some truth to this.” And then they keep proving it more and more. Yeah, it’s super interesting.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 25:01
Where they’re writing it in books and telling you the brain is that powerful.
Chris Ippolito 25:05
Yeah. Well, I’ve got two books to add to my to-read list, that’s great. Well, this was a fantastic conversation, Mary Lynn, I really appreciate it. If the audience wants to reach out and learn a little bit more about you, or connect, where are some of the better places for them to find you?
Mary Lynn Ziemer 25:23
Well, I have a lovely website that I have to give kudos to my website manager for helping me create. It’s called livingajoyfullifenow.com. And you can find either all about me on that website, and much of the kinds of content that I cover in my coaching programs. There are some videos, there’s audio, there’s information about me. Whatever you want, it’s there. And also if you want to sign up for a weekly blog that I do that helps you find a place of peace and calm on a weekly basis, joy, fun, I’m all about love, gratitude, and fun, you can sign up on my website right on the home page, it’s called “Little Gems of Wisdom and Fun.” And I would love it, reach out to me, I’d be happy that you do that. Again, it’s easiest to do it right through my website, through livingajoyfullifenow.com.
Chris Ippolito 26:23
Awesome. I’ll make sure to include all those links in the show notes, as well.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 26:28
Chris Ippolito 26:28
Well, it was a pleasure and definitely looking forward to reading those two books and some continued conversations, hopefully.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 26:36
Yes, I love it. And this hour absolutely flew by. I love it, thank you.
Chris Ippolito 26:43
You’re welcome. Thanks, Mary Lynn.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 26:43
I love your questions and comments, Chris. Thanks so much for the opportunity.
Chris Ippolito 26:47
You’re welcome. Take care.
Mary Lynn Ziemer 26:49
You too, bye.
Chris Ippolito 26:50