How To Get More Confidence

Angie started her career in the financial industry 23 years ago as a financial advisor with Morgan Stanley. Licensed as an advisor and manager, she assisted clients and mentored and coached brokers on growing their business.  In 2003 she co-founded an investment firm. Over the last 20 plus years of her career, she has held an advisor, branch manager, CFO, COO, CCO, life coach, and business consultant.

Episode Summary

  • The difference between confidence and comfort
  • Are confidence and a winning mindset the same thing?
  • Impostor syndrome and how it cripples confidence
  • Ways you can grow your confidence



“People love to help people.”

Guest Information

Website: https://angiewisdom.com/

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/angiewisdomlifecoach/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/angiewisdomlifecoach/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/angie-wisdom-50b734180/

Episode Transcript

Chris Ippolito 01:11 

Hi, Angie. 


Angie Wisdom 01:12 

Hi, Chris. How are you? 


Chris Ippolito 01:13 

I’m doing great, how are you? 


Angie Wisdom 01:15 

I’m doing great, thank you. 


Chris Ippolito 01:16 

Awesome. Welcome to the “Get Coached Podcast.” I’m super excited to talk about our topic today. Because one of the things in our initial call that we had, you had mentioned that you really help clients out with confidence. And I thought that was a really interesting subject, I’m glad we’re going to get a chance to really dig into that. Do you mind, from your perspective anyways, as far as what does confidence mean to you as far as when you’re helping a client out and what are some of the signs that you see where, whether they think it or not, that confidence may be an area that they may want to develop? 


Angie Wisdom 02:00 

Yeah. I love the confidence topic because it encompasses so many different areas. When we first talk about confidence, we tend to think just about our ability in one particular thing. But really I notice when people are having a difficult time taking steps forward, taking action. And they may feel very confident about their ability to do their job, but have a lack of confidence in maybe making an initial connection or a lack of confidence in asking for the close on a deal. There’s many different areas that that confidence piece comes into play. 


Chris Ippolito 02:41 

Right. Yeah, absolutely. I would 100% agree with that in a lot of senses because I find that we, as individuals, will get comfortable. Oh, actually, there’s a good question for you. I’m just going to ignore what I was about to say. What’s the difference between being comfortable in doing something versus being confident in doing something? Because I was about to share I felt comfortable doing it, but that maybe didn’t necessarily mean I was confident in my execution of it. 


Angie Wisdom 03:13 

For sure, that’s a great distinction between the two to address because you can be comfortable, which means that, okay, I can do it, I’m comfortable taking that step. But to have confidence around it is a whole other level. To really feel that you are going to get the desired outcome that you’re looking for, that you have that confidence behind you to back up the step that you’re going to take. 


Chris Ippolito 03:42 

Right. Because this is probably where that distinction ends up creeping up when you’re coaching clients. Because you had mentioned that when you are coaching clients, a lot of them will feel that they don’t have a confidence issue. But maybe they’re confusing it in that I feel comfortable doing it, therefore they’re misidentifying that as confidence. Whereas if they were really challenged on even an area in which they were feeling comfortable, now all of a sudden the confidence might crumble and they’re not able to execute. Do you feel that’s maybe where the misunderstanding of it is coming in, or the misinterpretation of what it is? 


Angie Wisdom 04:29 

Yeah. It’s almost a couple-step process there. Because you can have someone that really has zero confidence around it and is totally uncomfortable in even taking a step in that direction. And then you can get them to that phase of, “Okay, I’m at least comfortable trying this and making the effort.” And then that final destination is really, “Oh, no, I believe in this, I can do this.” And it’s a whole other level where they’re not just taking the action, but they’re expecting a result, a certain result, because they are so confident in their abilities, they are confident in the beliefs that they have around what they’re doing. 


But like you said, clients come all the time and I say, “Well, tell me how confident you feel about your business.” And, “Oh, I’ve been doing this for 10 years,” and you list all the qualifications that would give them what they appear to feel confident on. They could be an expert in their particular field, but they don’t have the confidence to put it out there, they don’t have the confidence to ask for the deal again. It really depends on where you’re tying that confidence piece to. 


Chris Ippolito 05:40 

Right. And you had also mentioned on our previous call, and maybe they’re within the same vein as far as the coaching or whatnot, but confidence and winning mindset, would you say they’re one and the same or do they play off each other? What would be the distinguishing feature or aspects of confidence and a winning mindset? 


Angie Wisdom 06:05 

Yeah. I think that you can have a winning mindset without fully developing your confidence yet. 


Chris Ippolito 06:13 

Okay. And what would that look like? If somebody has got a winning mindset but is maybe lacking confidence in a certain aspect of business or life, what would that look like? To just help somebody realize, “Oh, maybe I do have more of a winning mindset, but I’m just lacking the confidence.” 


Angie Wisdom 06:34 

Yeah, that optimism that I can set a goal and I will reach it, where they know that they will do what they need to do, that they will make it happen. I call it that steamroller mentality where they’re going to get through it. They’ve got the winning mindset, they will not let themselves fail. But having the confidence to really believe that it’s based upon their internal system is different than just willing through it and having that winning mindset. Did that clarify it a little bit? 


Chris Ippolito 07:10 

Yeah, a little bit. The winning mindset is more of a positive attitude in that I’m going to keep working until I succeed, whereas confidence is a belief system almost as far as believing in themselves. You may not believe that you have the confidence in the skill set or in doing the action, but you’ve got this mindset of, “I will persist until,” kind of thing. Is that what it is? 


Angie Wisdom 07:45 

100%, yeah. 100%, yeah. 


Chris Ippolito 07:49 

How does somebody develop confidence then? If you are in a profession where it’s just a dog eat dog, it’s a little bit cutthroat, and you haven’t had those consistent wins. And you’re low in confidence. Maybe you’ve got the winning attitude, but you haven’t had those consecutive wins in a row to help elevate the confidence. What could be something that somebody could do to help grow and nurture the confidence so that it starts snowballing for them? 


Angie Wisdom 08:25 

Yeah, sure. And I don’t want to jump into another topic prematurely, but it’s where that imposter syndrome comes into play. Because people, they think they’re doing the right things. The structure that maybe a company has outlined, like how you be a great realtor, how you’re a great financial advisor, “Do these steps.” They’re doing the right things, but it’s not differentiating them from the other people. They don’t really have confidence in themselves, they’re just taking the right steps. 


Really dialing in on your internal self and your confidence is going to require that personal development, that understanding what makes you who you are, what makes you different than everybody else. And there is something that you’re better at than somebody in your same field and somebody that’s your competition. And honing in on those pieces, understanding why your clients love you, why they come to you, what your best character traits are. But developing the true sense of yourself and what makes you phenomenal at what you do. 


Chris Ippolito 09:34 

Okay, I think that makes sense. I just want to make sure I understand. It’s more about focusing on strengths rather than focusing on the weaknesses, areas that could use improvement. If you’ve got strengths and those are the areas in which you’re already having those successes, it’s then about going about identifying those, and then really leaning into those strengths. Because you’ll build your confidence there and maybe just that alone will lead to success, and then that will be enough to start overflowing into the other areas. Is that what you’re saying? 


Angie Wisdom 10:14 

Yeah, that whole success breeds success. Yes, when you lean into those strengths and truly embrace who you are and what makes you fantastic and phenomenal at what you do, it creates that space. And then, sure, you can lean into other areas and you can address what are your weak points and how can I make those better. But first you’ve got to embrace who you are. I could look at somebody who does what I do and they could use a totally different platform or totally different technique, and they may be great at that. I can’t just go, “Oh, that’s what I have to do.” There are certain techniques and traits that I have that make me different and maybe better in a different way than another coach. 


Chris Ippolito 11:03 

Right. Then what could be some actionable steps that somebody could take to help build the confidence? If they’re struggling with identifying maybe what that strength is and they’re a little aimless at this point and they’re just looking for a little bit more direction, let’s try and help them out as far as what’s an actionable type of item or thing that they could do that’s going to start leading them to maybe uncovering what it is that their strengths are to help build up that confidence. 


Angie Wisdom 11:43 

Sure. And I don’t know if I can give you just one. The first one I like my clients to do is take note, at the end of every day track your biggest wins. Whether it’s something that you did that was bigger than yesterday, something that was successful, an accomplishment, track those and keep a brag book, I like to call it, and write down every single day what those big wins were. That’s what they’re taking from themselves internally. 


But the other side of that, if it’s somebody who works with clients, I have them go to their clients and get that feedback. Ask for your client reviews, ask for testimonials, and then start looking at yourself through your client’s lens. And your clients, when they say, “Oh, he’s the most responsible, most reliable, he gives me so much peace of mind,” you’re going to see these reoccurring characteristics and traits that you can go, “Okay. Yeah, this is what people are picking up from me.” 


Chris Ippolito 12:48 

Right. It sounds like, to be honest, both of them are about getting positive affirmation as far as what you’re doing. One of them being do it by yourself, dialoging and journaling with yourself basically, like how did the day go, what were some of my big wins. And trying to identify at least one, because everybody has, I would assume anyways, one thing they did great that day. But then the other one is soliciting from existing clients or people that you work with, “From your perspective, why do you enjoy working with me?,” or, “Why did you choose me?,” kind of thing. 


Angie Wisdom 13:33 

You’ve got it, yeah, those are the two key questions, yeah. 


Chris Ippolito 13:39 

The journaling one and writing that down, I think that’s pretty self-explanatory. But when it comes to asking clients for feedback and testimonials, I can speak from experience that sometimes it’s a little awkward, especially if you do it face to face, because you’re just like, “I don’t really know how to ask this.” Do you have maybe a script or a go-to way of asking for that testimonial or feedback from a client that somebody who’s listening who thinks that’s a great idea but just doesn’t really know how to ask, do you have something that you might be able to share with them? 


Angie Wisdom 14:17 

Yeah. It’s really different for everybody. When I talk to clients about this process, somebody may feel really comfortable at the end. For example, a chiropractor I work with, he may feel very comfortable at the end of a treatment going, “Hey, just out of curiosity, what made you choose me? What do you love best about coming in here and what do you walk away with?” That’s very comfortable for him. Versus somebody else may use somewhat of a script that I’ll give them that reaches out to their clients and says, “I really enjoy working with you and I love to get feedback from the people who I enjoy working with most. Can you provide any insight on what made you choose me and what do you love best about working with me?” 


Chris Ippolito 15:03 

Yeah. I think that’s a good idea. Because it’s weird because it’s a positive thing, what you’re doing. You’re just asking for positive feedback. And obviously they got some good positive feedback, or else why would they be working with you? I struggled with that when I was in the financial industry as a financial planner asking clients, “Why did you ultimately sign up and come work with me versus the other people that you were talking to?” If you were working with somebody and they shared that with you, would you say that perhaps is a confidence issue, like you’re just struggling with the confidence of being able to ask because maybe you’re worried that you’re going to hear something you don’t like, or is that something different? If you had a client share that with you, what would your guidance be, I suppose? 


Angie Wisdom 16:02 

Yeah, I mean we’d have to dig into it a little bit and see what’s around that. Almost 99% of the time when I’m talking to a client about this and they go, “Oh, I don’t know, you know what I mean? It feels awkward.” It comes down to feeling like they’re troubling the client, feeling like they’re a burden, feeling like this is an obligation. And then I instantly say, “Hey, I’ve got a question for you. Would you give me some feedback on why you like working with me?” And, “Yeah, sure. I mean you’re this, you’re that.” And I’m like, “Was that burdensome?” And they’re like, “No, not at all.” People love to help people, it’s just in our nature. 


When you reach out to that client, not only are you getting feedback, which is major marketing magic right there. We’re always trying to figure out who our client is and why they want to work with us. But you’re also solidifying that relationship. You’re telling your client, “Hey, I value your opinion and I want to know what you think about me.” And they’re grateful to be of assistance. 


Chris Ippolito 17:04 

Right. And plus there are so many benefits to it, I can see now. Like not only are you going to learn more of who is your client, because there’s going to start all of a sudden being some commonalities as far as feedback that you’re going to start noticing their common reasons for wanting to work with you and now that’s your strength, which then you can lean into it. It’s going to be positive affirmation, which is probably going to start lifting your spirits a little bit more, and then all of a sudden it will start snowballing. 


Yeah, I think that’s great advice. The one thing that I’ve learned from a lot of the books that I’ve read and just people I’ve talked to as far as when it comes to goal setting, I like the idea of let’s give the audience a piece of homework, in a sense, let’s start a new habit to try and build up your confidence. I like the idea of writing down at least one win, what’s something you’re proud of doing. At the end of the day you do it or the next morning you reflect on the previous day. 


But then when it comes to asking clients, I would set the bar at like one. Start with one, maybe even like one a week. And then once you get comfortable with that, if you’re not comfortable with it, start scaling it up from there. Because I think, when it comes to forming new habits and goals like that, the biggest mistake that most people make is, “I’m going to go and ask all my clients, I’m going to call them up.” And you’re just like, “Yeah, you’re not going to do that.” 


Angie Wisdom 18:41 

Baby steps, always. 


Chris Ippolito 18:43 

You’ll call two, and then you’ll just go, “This is a lot of work.” Just slowly go through them all and eventually you’ll have all the feedback that you need. Yeah, that would be the advice I would tack on to what you were sharing. 


Angie Wisdom 18:56 

Absolutely, yeah. Start out a game plan. Have one a week, depending on how many clients you have, that kind of thing. 


Chris Ippolito 19:07 

That’s all right. Angie, was there any questions or anything that I didn’t ask or bring up that you would want to share and add to the conversation that we just had today? 


Angie Wisdom 19:22 

No. I mean I love this topic, I could take it down so many different rabbit holes. I just think that, going back to that imposter syndrome thing, we tend to try to fit ourselves in a particular box and do things a certain way. And when we do that, we limit our true selves from coming out, which is really taking that to the next level. But I just love the confidence piece and you asked some great questions. 


Chris Ippolito 19:54 

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, the imposter syndrome thing, I would say everybody struggles with it at one point or another. And that just comes from this weird thing that we do as humans of comparing ourselves to others. And it’s such an unfair comparison because you’re going, “I have 100% of the information,” because you know everything about yourself, and you’re comparing it to somebody where you’ve got a sliver of information about them and you’re only seeing basically what they’re wanting you to see for the most part. It’s just such an unfair comparison. But we still all do it and suffer from this imposter syndrome, it’s such a strange behavior that we have as humans. 


Angie Wisdom 20:41 

It really is. And I know we talked about that before a little bit, especially in the financial services industry and the investment industry. You step right in there and you’re put with this responsibility to manage people’s money. And how much experience have you had? 


Chris Ippolito 20:55 

Yeah. It’s very true. 


Angie Wisdom 20:57 

Yeah, it is very weird, but it is a commonality amongst everybody. 


Chris Ippolito 21:02 

Yeah. We’re strange creatures, humans, that’s for sure. If people wanted to learn a little bit more about you or reach out and connect, where would be the best place for them to get a hold of you? 


Angie Wisdom 21:17 

Yeah, I would say direct them to my website, angiewisdom.com. I love to give my time to help. And there’s a link on there, you can schedule a free coaching session if you want and see what you can get from it. You’ll walk away with definitely something that you can put into action and it may make a huge change in your life. 


Chris Ippolito 21:37 

Awesome. Yeah, I’ll make sure to include that and all your social media handles in the show notes. I really appreciated the conversation, I thought that was a lot of fun. I think confidence is an area that a lot of people are lacking in and I think it’s an area that holds a lot of people back from taking the step to go out and really build the life that they truly want, is this fear and this lack of confidence. I like it, I think this could be a helpful episode to a lot of people. 


Angie Wisdom 22:10 

Good, I’m glad. I really enjoyed being on, I appreciate it. 


Chris Ippolito 22:13 

Awesome. Thanks, Angie. 


Angie Wisdom 22:14 

You’re welcome. 


Chris Ippolito 22:15 

Take care.