In this episode, I chatted with Stephanie Hess. Stephanie is a former Fortune 500 Beauty Director turned business coach and entrepreneur whose mission is to empower women to be unrelenting in manifesting their ultimate desires as entrepreneurs and change-makers on the planet.
Stephanie strives toward her mission daily through her transformational private and group coaching programs, her Live Coaching Salon on YouTube, an ongoing membership for high-level entrepreneurs, and through her daily free content distributed on Instagram and Pinterest.
Marc Van Musser from https://www.clientsondemand.com/
The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/stephaniehesscoaching/
Chris Ippolito 01:01
Stephanie Hess 01:02
Chris Ippolito 01:03
How are you?
Stephanie Hess 01:04
How’s it going? I’m amazing. How are you?
Chris Ippolito 01:06
I’m doing great. Thanks for being a guest and welcome to the “Get Coached Podcast,” where we interview business coaches like yourself and provide actionable advice to entrepreneurs. I always love to start off every episode sharing your story, or having you share your story, with the audience so they can get a little bit more acquainted with you, your personal journey, and how you got to be where you’re currently at.
Stephanie Hess 01:34
Absolutely. Thanks for the opportunity. I am from a small town, I’m a country girl at heart, and I went to the big city in Manhattan. And I was really, really thinking that I was going to spend the rest of my career doing PR in professional sports, I then became a global beauty director for a Fortune 500 company, and life was really good. Until the dreaded B word came into play and there was just this moment where I couldn’t see my life heading in that direction anymore.
Chris Ippolito 02:15
Sorry, the B word?
Stephanie Hess 02:17
Chris Ippolito 02:18
Stephanie Hess 02:18
Sorry, I skipped right over it.
Chris Ippolito 02:19
I was like, “What B word?” My mind went very different places. I was like, “‘Baby’? I hope that’s not a dreaded thing.” No, okay, “burnout,” got it.
Stephanie Hess 02:28
Yes, important clarification. Yeah, we just were trying to figure out how could I be of greater service and contribute in a bigger way in the world. And I started to become a health coach as I was in the corporate role and I quickly discovered that my passion was rooted in the business principles, in the marketing, and I developed such a heart for women with missions building their own businesses.
I just made this natural pivot, I started helping women in my local community build their businesses and monetize their businesses. And that is what I do now and it is my greatest joy, nothing gets me more energized and excited than supporting someone with such a connection to their purpose and their unique gifts and perspective, and helping them to bring it to more people and make a handsome living by doing it.
Chris Ippolito 03:38
Right. Yeah, it’s obviously a very noble cause, helping people really achieve those dreams that they aspire to, independence, financial freedom, and such. I want to dig a little bit into the backstory. Because you were involved in the sports world for how long, and in what capacity?
Stephanie Hess 03:59
Yeah. I was studying at university, I was working for the local Philly team. I was involved with the Sixers and the Eagles, and I was doing marketing and promotions at the time. What took me to New York was this incredible opportunity to join the Knicks organization in a public relations capacity. I was in that role, not on and off, it was pretty consistent, for about 10 years. I would come in and support game nights and be involved with the media and with the beat writers and photographers and all of that, and it was a lot of fun. And then working in beauty was a completely different perspective, it was a female-driven industry, and playing with lipsticks actually isn’t as easy as it sounds. But no less I am so grateful for both of those really powerful opportunities that gave me this foundation of being able to support other entrepreneurs, business owners, founders, and things like that.
Chris Ippolito 05:11
Yeah. I mean obviously from the outside looking in, I think a lot of people would have identified where you were at as that’s success. You’re working with the Knicks, you’re working with a large cosmetics, or beauty, company. What would be some of the things that, from the inside, what were some of the areas that were maybe a little bit more challenging or not in line with what your real purpose was? Do you remember how you were feeling and why the draw to look at things outside of the corporate world?
Stephanie Hess 05:49
That’s such a great question, Chris. I remember so vividly the moment where the mornings getting up when my alarm clock would go off, those mornings got tougher and tougher. The commute into the office. And I feel privileged to get to say that, like, “Oh, it was a tough thing showing up to this cushy job,” but it ultimately came down to this piece where my values were so out of alignment and I couldn’t bear to really work in an environment that wasn’t empowering, I couldn’t bear to make a great paycheck but still feel like I wasn’t contributing in a way that I knew that I really could.
It was this crossroads where it was really just a matter of giving myself permission to know that what I stand for and my values that I’m unshakable in are perfect and now this next chapter was just going to look a lot different than it had for those past 10 or so years.
Chris Ippolito 07:03
Yeah. It’s funny because I know there’s this stigma about waking up to an alarm clock, I’ve heard this before. I don’t know if maybe it isn’t a stigma or not, but I’ve heard it before. Where it’s like, “I don’t want to have to wake up to an alarm clock.” But I don’t know if it’s necessarily the alarm clock that drives people crazy, it’s more what you’re having to go to. Right? And would you say that was more the case for you, or was it the fact that you had to wake up early to go to a job? It was more the destination, not the act of getting up early, right?
Stephanie Hess 07:40
It was the destination behind that ding. Absolutely, yeah.
Chris Ippolito 07:45
Because I know for myself anyways, and I think maybe this is the case for a lot of people, if you’re getting up early with your true purpose, or at least what you’ve identified as your true purpose in that season of life, it makes waking up to an alarm clock a lot easier, right? Or getting up early. Because you’re like, “I’m getting up and I’ve got a mission today, I’ve got things to achieve.”
Stephanie Hess 08:10
Yes. And isn’t that what living is all about? It’s like I think culturally we are groomed and taught that we find a job, we find a job that pays well, and we go to that job and that’s what we do for the rest of our lives. And I still talk to so many people that are in jobs that they are absolutely miserable doing and it breaks my heart because I was there for so long. And it’s just I think there’s this disconnect with realizing that you can actually design your life, you get to make decisions that can support you in a way that is more true and more aligned for you. And I think it’s just taking a minute to stop and really question those ideas, those rules that we’ve been programmed and conditioned to just buy into.
Chris Ippolito 09:08
Yeah. And I always like to preface conversations like this that we’re not trying to pooh-pooh on corporate jobs or anything like that, it’s just that it’s not the right fit for everybody. Right? But for some people it’s great, maybe you’re motivated to go and perform well for your employer and elevate yourself within the organization and continue adding value within an organization. Those are all noble things to do. Entrepreneurs tend to, as a stereotype anyways, entrepreneurs tend to want to feel like they’re creating something of their own, solving problems for other people. Right? At least that’s how I feel. Would you agree with that or do you have a different perspective on that?
Stephanie Hess 10:00
Yeah. I love that you add that because it is so crucial and it’s such an important point to make. I think that it ultimately comes back to that piece of alignment. I loved my job up until it was no longer aligned for me. And there are so many people out there who they are meant to be leading an organization or growing within an organization. If that is truly what feels aligned for you, rock on with your bad self. Yes, I love that you added that, that’s so important.
Chris Ippolito 10:35
I like what you added there, just the alignment. It can be aligned with what’s important to you right now. And when it’s not, that’s when you start having that self-discovery conversation with yourself as far as, “Okay, what is it that I’m not feeling fulfilled about here and what can I seek out that may provide fulfillment in a different season of life?”
Stephanie Hess 11:01
Yes. It’s asking the questions, it’s being willing to see things differently or look at your life in a different way than maybe you’ve been taught you should look at life.
Chris Ippolito 11:13
Yeah. Great. All right, I think I’d love to now shift over. That’s your backstory, let’s bring it to where you’re at right now and what you do with your clients. In our initial conversation, and some of the videos I’ve seen of yours, there was a very common myth that you said that you want to really dispel and help entrepreneurs and your clientele just get that out of your head because it’s not true. Do you mind sharing what that myth is?
Stephanie Hess 11:46
I would love to, it is my all-time favorite myth to bust. And in the work that I do, I’m now a business coach, mentor, online strategist, and the common challenge that my clients face and come to me with is, “I don’t know where to find the clients, I don’t know how to attract clients.” And when I looked back on the things that I did to build my business, it really came back to this core mindset shift, this core belief that I had to rewire, and it’s this. You do not need a New York Times bestseller, you don’t need a leading podcast in the top 10 on iTunes, you don’t need 100 testimonials on your website, you don’t need a website, a fancy website. You don’t need any of these things in order to serve and start working with clients and get paid for working with clients.
Chris Ippolito 12:54
Right. Why do you think that myth exists? Because it is a very common one, “If only I had an Amazon bestseller, that will start attracting more clients for me,” or, “If only I had a podcast in the top 10 business section, that’s when people will start listening to me and I’ll earn more business.” Will it help? Probably, but I think the message you’re trying to deliver is that those are not requirements to get started, you can just start, and then add those down the road. Is that what the message is?
Stephanie Hess 13:36
Yes, absolutely. Those things are great to have and they will enhance your brand, but they’re not foundational to the work that you’re really here to do. And I think that what happens is, and god bless social media, I’m a user myself, but it’s created this warped view of what really matters. Another thing that I hear all the time from my audience and tribe is that comparisonitis. They’re on their feet and they’re seeing all of the shiny and all of the fancy things that these people, these influencers, these brands, these businesses are doing and it makes them feel, “Well, I don’t have that, I’m not doing that. Am I really worthy?” And it often comes back to that word, the feeling of worthiness. And that’s often the block, that’s often the piece that keeps people in a cocoon, in a shell, withdrawn, not really owning their power and using it to serve in a bigger way.
Chris Ippolito 14:52
Right. Yeah, I like that, that’s a good perspective on it because I would say I definitely find myself guilty of that. I use social media in a couple different ways. One is actually research-based, “If I’m going to create content of value for the target audience that I’m looking to work with, what is the kind of content that they’re enjoying and that’s going to attract them and such?” Then I use it in a more negative way, which is looking at the other people that I’m modeling myself after and going, “Well, man, their content is so polished and great, and look at all the views they get and the likes they get.” And you’re like, “How am I going to get from here to there?,” and that comparison. And, “Am I worthy of being able to get that kind of attention and add that kind of value to an audience?”
It’s a bit of a slippery slope, I think, right? Social media, as you mention, it’s important because that’s one of the main methods that you’re connecting and communicating with your tribe, right?
Stephanie Hess 16:04
Chris Ippolito 16:05
Yeah. There’s value there, there’s a purpose for it. But I think we can easily go down the wrong path of, like you said, comparison and that more negative mindset. Do you have maybe advice for somebody who is struggling a little bit with shifting that mindset from using social media as a tool for business versus simple consumption and feeding more of those negative thoughts?
Stephanie Hess 16:41
I love the question. And I’m just realizing that there is this common thread in our conversation because I would give you a similar answer to this as before. When you have absolute alignment, and I’ll break that down in a bit, but when you feel so rooted and grounded in your why, in what you’re here to do, in the gifts, the perspective that you know that you’re here to bring to the world, it’s like everything out here is just noise and it has less impact on taking you out of your purpose connection. Does that make sense?
Chris Ippolito 17:30
Yeah. And this is a very common theme with a lot of business coaches, entrepreneurs, the stronger your why and your purpose is, it’s almost like a fortress, in a sense. It fortifies your character, your soul, your spirit, whatever term people are comfortable with. But what you’re saying is the stronger your why gets and the more rooted you get into it, then all that other stuff is like water off a duck’s back, it just doesn’t affect you anymore.
Stephanie Hess 18:08
Absolutely. And to help give clarity to anyone who’s listening, I love to have people ask themselves this simple question. And it’s, “If I were given a megaphone and I could declare or shout or affirm the one thing that I want people to know, if I have my megaphone and I’m on a balcony and there are thousands or millions of people in the crowd and I had 60 seconds, what would I need them to know?” And that’s often your why.
Chris Ippolito 18:51
Surprisingly, I have not read Simon Sinek’s book Start with Why. Have you?
Stephanie Hess 18:57
No, but I am such a fan.
Chris Ippolito 18:59
Yeah, I love the concept. I feel like that’s not necessarily a book I need to read, that’s almost procrastination in a sense, sometimes. Actually, maybe question for you. Do you have an exercise that maybe you yourself do to help you get refocused on your why when you feel maybe you are going a little off course or things are just feeling a little bit more challenging, whether it’s for yourself or something you do with your clients?
Stephanie Hess 19:34
Yes, absolutely. And let’s just be honest, we are here having a human experience. There are going to be days even for the top experts that you see in the world, right? Not every day is going to be win after win. And I just recently had a little bit of a bumpy few days where I wasn’t as energized as I usually am. And instead of my old pattern would have been to judge myself for being in that headspace, what I did was I now know that I just need to double down on my mindset. And I’ve built this toolkit over time of things, of resources that I know for me get me most fired up and most connected back into what I’m doing.
And for your listeners, I would just say, “Who are those people for you? What are those things for you? Is it a book, is it a meditation, is it an affirmation, is it an inspiring app that you have on your phone, is it someone that you listen to, is it a podcast?” Create your toolkit and this is really over time the thing, the arsenal that you can turn to daily to really, really nurture that, we’ll just say it to be cliché, that millionaire mindset.
Chris Ippolito 21:08
Yeah, I like that. Can we talk a little bit about your toolkit, do you mind sharing what are some of the things that you use personally to help you course-correct, stay on track, and regain that mindset that you’re looking to maintain?
Stephanie Hess 21:24
Yeah. I wish I could say I’m a part of the 5:00 a.m. club, that will never be me. Much respect to all of those people that can get up that early. But for me number one is I’ve taken the pressure off myself to craft my routines or habits, or try to force them to look or sound like someone else.
What works for me really great now, and this might change by next season, is there’s always this sacred container that I create for myself every morning. It could start at 7:00 a.m., it could start at 8:00 a.m. Let’s say I get up, I typically will do a meditation 5 to 10 minutes. And then I’ll hop on my yoga mat, I’ll do 10 to 15 minutes of stretching and breathing. Then I usually run upstairs, grab my Bulletproof Coffee, and I’ll come back down and I’ll get out my journal. And I will either listen to someone that really, really fuels me. I’ll just name-drop, Marc Von Musser is an amazing guide and resource for me, I just really connect with his energy. Again, find that person for you. But every time I can listen to him, I am constantly back into that space of owning my gifts and being of service.
And I like to say that we all have a lower self and a higher self. And my responsibility is to really shift into my higher self as much of the time as I can. Right? Because I know that my higher self, let’s just say my Sasha Fierce, for any Beyoncé fans, is this powerful leader and mentor and guide who can help women transform their lives and businesses, that’s the woman that I want to spend most of my time in. It’s all of the work that I do each morning, even if it’s 30 minutes of a routine or habits, that’s what allows me to constantly be in the higher vibrational state and my version of Sasha Fierce.
Chris Ippolito 23:58
Right. There’s a book on this topic called Alter Ego. I can’t remember the name of the author now, but he talks about almost creating this higher level persona of yourself. The premise, I haven’t read it but I listened to a podcast where he explained it, is that think of it as you yourself are maybe like Clark Kent. But then when you need to get to that next level, push through something uncomfortable, just execute on that higher level, you just call upon Superman. Right? And you do it. And over time that identity starts overlapping a little bit where, yes, there are Superman and Clark Kent, but really at the end of the day they’re one and the same. Right?
Yeah, I like that, that’s cool. I’m a big fan of morning routines. My morning routines were quite defined for a little while, and then about five months ago things changed a lot when my son arrived. And it’s slowly figuring that out. But that’s the thing, it’s all about figuring it out. And I like what you said, it’s like everybody has their own toolkit or systems or routines that are going to prime them for having a great day. And maybe you don’t have an hour to do it, but find out what’s that one thing that is going to have the most positive impact on you. For you maybe it would be meditation or the yoga or it’s the journaling or the Bulletproof Coffee, which I think we should explain real quick to the audience who’s not familiar with Bulletproof Coffee, what that actually is. Do you want to share, or should I?
Stephanie Hess 25:51
Sure, yeah. Oh, my favorite brand. Bulletproof is a brand that was founded by Dave Asprey, he is this amazing man that studies human potential, human optimization. Anyway, he wanted to bring to the market a brand of coffee that is free of mycotoxins and different other things commonly found in coffee. And he’s built this line of amazing products, but he’s known for his theory and his perspective on incorporating healthy fats. If you haven’t heard of Bulletproof, I’m sure maybe you’ve heard about the whole oil and butter in your coffee craze, and that’s really where this comes from. And I found that my body doesn’t really metabolize coffee that well. Bulletproof for me works amazing because I don’t ever get that off-the-wall jittery feel, and I know that it’s because of that balance of the fats and the oil with the coffee, it’s amazing. I personally love the dark mocha cold brew with collagen protein, that’s my jam every morning.
Chris Ippolito 27:06
Oh, okay. Yeah, I was doing the Bulletproof Coffee thing for quite some time. And that was actually when I was going more that route of the time-restricted fasting, Bulletproof Coffee, becoming more fat-adapted. And I went from 215 pounds down to 175 and was just full of energy, it was great. And then I was somewhat persuaded, “Well, you’re getting a little skinny,” and, “Are you sure you want to lose more weight?” And I’m like, “I don’t think I’m going to lose more weight, I’m pretty sure I’m where I’m going to be.” If I’m going to gain weight, it’s probably going to be mainly muscle.
And then I was influenced as far as, “If you want to gain muscle, don’t you need more calories, more protein, and maybe even some carbs?” I was like, “Well, okay.” I started reintroducing carbs. Gained a little bit of weight, which was fine, I felt like I was at a healthy weight at that point, I was like 185, almost 190. And then, not my son’s fault, but just life changes a lot when your wife is pregnant, and then a new child comes. I’m not quite 215 again, but I’m almost up there. And it’s really funny because I felt way better when I was 175 compared to where I’m at right now, I was sleeping better and whatnot. I’m definitely going to try and get back into that.
One lesson though I will share, because I went through this real quick. If you’re going to go the path of fat as a high source of calories for you, you cannot have too much carbs in your diet. Two reasons for it. You’ll gain a ton of weight because your body is almost confused as far as what fuel source should I be going after. But it actually can cause some cramping in your stomach area, it’s like your gallbladder or something like that. Just caution to yourself, Stephanie, and anybody who’s looking to do it. It’s one or the other, you can’t really have high amounts of both, it can cause some issues. I learned that through experience.
Stephanie Hess 29:22
Thanks for sharing.
Chris Ippolito 29:24
Yeah. A bit of a different direction. You know what? I think that was a good conversation, I really like it. It actually went completely different than where I was thinking we would go, but I really enjoyed the conversation, I thought there were some great insights, some great perspectives shared by yourself as far as how to prime the day and get yourself on track and, if you’re feeling a little derailed, what to do.
I like to wrap up every episode with what’s that one piece of advice or that next step that you’d suggest the audience takes when it comes to what we just finished talking about?
Stephanie Hess 30:14
The core of my work is helping people get into client-attracting mode and money-making mode. And what I will say is you can hop over to my website, stephaniehesscoaching.com, anyone who’s listening, and there is a client-creation framework video on my site. And what I wanted to make sure that everyone got, you’ll hear the five parts, and this actually is a great way to recap what we were talking about. There’s one thing that I find that most coaches and most people in business are not really prioritizing, and in my opinion it is the foundation of what we do.
And the five parts of the framework, it’s clarity, attract, nurture, offer, and elevate. The nurturing part, if there is one thing that you can hit the ground running and do and focus on in your business, and no matter if you’re a solopreneur or if you’re building a culture, if you have a team, it’s focusing on the nurture. There are so many business owners out there that aren’t really dating their customers, they’re trying to jump right in bed with them. I hope I can say that here.
Chris Ippolito 31:43
Yeah, that’s fine. I think we’re all adults here, it’s okay.
Stephanie Hess 31:47
Yeah. And I would love for you to think about right now, “Where am I not nurturing the relationships with prospects, with clients? Where am I not following through? Where am I not loving on my people?” I think that it’s so easy, and I’m sure you can think of the messages that come to you on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, the messages that are so driven by the other person wanting to get something from you. And I’d love for you to just flip that model on its head. Instead of taking, or trying to get something, how can you come from a place of giving?
And this is really where the nurturing piece comes into play. I’m not sure of the exact stats right now, but as far as e-mail marketing, people are now sitting on e-mail lists longer than ever before. I have a mentor that people tend to buy after being on her list for up to a year. And this is especially crucial if you are servicing, or serving, the millennial generation where they really value experience, high touch, and service, and they want to feel your authenticity and they want to trust you, ultimately.
Nurturing is a part of the business that you cannot neglect, I would put that front and center. And just come up with a couple different ways that are unique to you that can be your signature and really, really cool ways that you can start giving more and taking less and allowing the relationships to evolve over time.
Chris Ippolito 33:41
I like that a lot, thank you for sharing. There’s a book that I’ve mentioned a couple times on the podcast that talks a lot about that called The Go-Giver by Bob Burg. Anybody who’s listened to the podcast a few times has heard me mention that. I highly recommend it.
Yeah, that was great, I really appreciate it. That was a good conversation, great advice. If anybody listening wanted to connect with you or learn more about you, Stephanie, what would be the best place for them to go online?
Stephanie Hess 34:13
Head over to stephaniehesscoaching.com, there’s a free 15 or 17-minute video where I break down the five-part client-creation framework. And right underneath there there’s an option for you to book a complimentary discover call with me if you feel called to do that, I would love to talk to you.
Chris Ippolito 34:33
Great, that was awesome. Thanks for being a guest and having a fantastic conversation and just sharing great advice with the audience.
Stephanie Hess 34:42
It was such a pleasure, I’m such a fan of what you’re doing. Thank you, Chris.
Chris Ippolito 34:46
Thank you. Take care.
Stephanie Hess 34:48
Chris Ippolito 34:49